thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
