im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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