Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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