i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize