ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
