Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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