Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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