Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
