I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
