note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
