I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
