She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
