spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
