Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
