this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize