I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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