I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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