she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
