Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?

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(201): View more from New Jersey

just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.

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(619): View more from California

you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.

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(519): View more from Ontario

my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.

(1-519): View more from Ontario

You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?

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(661): View more from California

I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.

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