we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
