My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
