Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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