Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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