Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
