The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
