I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
