Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
