i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
