the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
