What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
