if i can run in heels then i can drive
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I didn't notice because vodka
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
