i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
