why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
