I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
