and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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