new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
