he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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