She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
