Cold hands, warm shart.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
