the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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