We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
