before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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