For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
