After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
