His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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