You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize