I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
