You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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