suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
