You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
