I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
