Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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