Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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