Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
