ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
