Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
