Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
