I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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