I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize