After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
