don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
